Adam's Master Cleanse

Some of you may have heard of the master cleanse as it has been around since 1976 when the lovely Dr. Stanley Burroughs published his own typo-laden, 50-page book detailing the special cure-all cleanse. What it consists of is a few things:

(1) Cut a hole in the box . . . wait, wrong cleanse. First thing in the morning you drink 32 oz. of warm water with two teaspoons of uniodized salt. This is what is called an oral enema and, trust me, it is appropriately named, hi-ooooh!

(2) The rest of the day all you can take in is a drink which consists of 2 tablespoons of grade b maple syrup, 2 tablespoons of fresh-squeezed lemon or lime juice, and a pinch of cayenne pepper. You mix that with water and drink, yummy! You should have at least 6 of those drinks a day and can have as many as 12. You can stay on the cleanse for up to 40 days, but I wouldn't recommend it.

(3) Then, according to Dr. Stanley Burroughs, you will be cleansed from all of the foul toxins that we take in by what we eat. He says it even cures the flu and colds. I bet he would claim that it cures AIDS (well where were you when Arthur Ashe needed you, Stanley?!). He says that any meat is a no-no and that the lemon is the best fruit of all of them. Hey Dr. Burroughs, ever heard of acai!!???

Bottom line is that I lost 10 lbs. in 3 days on this "cleanse" and that my colon has definitely had a work out if nothing else. Today I am taking a day off which is also a no-no but it is better than killing myself. I will get back on it tomorrow and hopefully lose some more weight. Bye ya'll.

-Adam